I recently watched a TEDx talk by Mel Robbins entitled, How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over.
Here was one of the reaction comments by a fellow viewer:
A physically attractive white woman is a self-proclaimed expert at getting what she wants. it must be nice.
I don’t know anything about the person who wrote that comment nor do I appoint myself as judge over anything they do or say.
However, I do find those last four words very interesting.
It must be nice.
Those words resonate with me because I believe that most of us (if not all of us) have thought something similar after hearing someone talk positively about the possibilities of life.
Well, it’s great that she’s motivated about life, but she’s gorgeous and I’m not.
That’s easy for him to say, but he’s young and I’m old.
That’s easy for him to say, but he’s old and I’m young.
Sure. If I had tons of money, I’m sure I’d be a success story too.
There is a very real sense in which we all seem to be keenly aware of the advantages that OTHERS have.
Here’s an example from my life.
I’m in an interracial marriage.
I’m Black and my wife is White.
There are certain challenges that are unique to people involved in interracial relationships.
I also love to read books about relationships.
I’m a big fan of John Gray and the Mars & Venus Books and I watch about 2-3 hours worth of relationship/communication material on youtube every week.
The overwhelming majority of literature on relationships comes from the perspective of people who seem to only be accustomed to dating within the same race.
Rarely do I find any advice that’s specifically tailored to my situation.
It must be nice to have a marriage/dating relationship where racial & cultural differences rarely collide.
I’ve actually thought that before.
But you know what???
Here’s today’s two cents:
There’s always a way out!
If you don’t want to believe that happiness, success, well-being, and healthy relationships are possible for you, it’s extremely easy to find an excuse.
Just zoom in on the differences and emphasize the hell out of them.
Relationship advice? That sounds great, but you don’t know MY spouse. Advice dismissed. See how easy that is? I didn’t even have to work.
Financial advice? That sounds nice and all, but see I don’t have the same parents, educational background, or personality traits as the person who wrote that book. Learning session done! No need to roll up my sleeves. I’m unique!
Advice on happiness? I’m sure you mean well, but I have different genes than you and those genes don’t make it very easy for me to be happy. That settles it!
Find me an expert with something worth listening to and I will find differences between them and I that could easily be used to negate their advice.
Is he the EXACT age as me? Is he from the EXACT place I’m from? Same skin color? Does he have my looks? Is it even a he? Has this person been bullied like me? If so, have they been bullied by the kinds of bullies I’ve had to face? Have they had to overcome MY obstacles? Did they grow up with MY parents and my pressures?
At this point, it may seem as if I’m making a mockery of the distinction between advantages and disadvantages.
That is the exact opposite of my point.
Advantages and disadvantages DO exists!
Furthermore, EVERY piece of advice you receive from ANYONE is going to come from the perspective of a person that has AT LEAST one MAJOR advantage that you don’t have.
You can focus on the seeming unfairness of that advantage OR you can interpolate.
You can count yourself out because you’re too ugly, too pretty, too educated, too uneducated, too rich, too poor, too young, too inexperienced, or too whatever…
You can learn a little something from everyone and you can get creative with how you apply those lessons to your own situation.
This is a challenge that everyone must face.
When you’re confronted with the possibilities of what your life can become,
will you look at others and say,
“it must be nice to be them”
will you look in the mirror and say,
“It would be nice to broaden my horizons. Today, I think I’ll give it a try”?
The choice is yours.
Whichever one you make, I support your freedom.