“It Must Be Nice”

I recently watched a TEDx talk by Mel Robbins entitled, How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over.

Here was one of the reaction comments by a fellow viewer:

A physically attractive white woman is a self-proclaimed expert at getting what she wants. it must be nice.

I don’t know anything about the person who wrote that comment nor do I appoint myself as judge over anything they do or say.

However, I do find those last four words very interesting.

It must be nice.

Those words resonate with me because I believe that most of us (if not all of us) have thought something similar after hearing someone talk positively about the possibilities of life.

Well, it’s great that she’s motivated about life, but she’s gorgeous and I’m not.

That’s easy for him to say, but he’s young and I’m old.

That’s easy for him to say, but he’s old and I’m young.

Sure. If I had tons of money, I’m sure I’d be a success story too.

There is a very real sense in which we all seem to be keenly aware of the advantages that OTHERS have.

Here’s an example from my life.

I’m in an interracial marriage.

I’m Black and my wife is White.

There are certain challenges that are unique to people involved in interracial relationships.

I also love to read books about relationships.

I’m a big fan of John Gray and the Mars & Venus Books and I watch about 2-3 hours worth of relationship/communication material on youtube every week.

The overwhelming majority of literature on relationships comes from the perspective of people who seem to only be accustomed to dating within the same race.

Rarely do I find any advice that’s specifically tailored to my situation.

It must be nice to have a marriage/dating relationship where racial & cultural differences rarely collide.

I’ve actually thought that before.

But you know what???

Here’s today’s two cents:

There’s always a way out!

If you don’t want to believe that happiness, success, well-being, and healthy relationships are possible for you, it’s extremely easy to find an excuse.

Just zoom in on the differences and emphasize the hell out of them.

Relationship advice? That sounds great, but you don’t know MY spouse. Advice dismissed. See how easy that is? I didn’t even have to work.

Financial advice? That sounds nice and all, but see I don’t have the same parents, educational background, or personality traits as the person who wrote that book. Learning session done! No need to roll up my sleeves. I’m unique!

Advice on happiness? I’m sure you mean well, but I have different genes than you and those genes don’t make it very easy for me to be happy. That settles it!

Find me an expert with something worth listening to and I will find differences between them and I that could easily be used to negate their advice.

Is he the EXACT age as me? Is he from the EXACT place I’m from? Same skin color? Does he have my looks? Is it even a he? Has this person been bullied like me? If so, have they been bullied by the kinds of bullies I’ve had to face? Have they had to overcome MY obstacles? Did they grow up with MY parents and my pressures?

At this point, it may seem as if I’m making a mockery of the distinction between advantages and disadvantages.

That is the exact opposite of my point.

Advantages and disadvantages DO exists!

Furthermore, EVERY piece of advice you receive from ANYONE is going to come from the perspective of a person that has AT LEAST one MAJOR advantage that you don’t have.

You can focus on the seeming unfairness of that advantage OR you can interpolate.

You can count yourself out because you’re too ugly, too pretty, too educated, too uneducated, too rich, too poor, too young, too inexperienced, or too whatever…

OR

You can learn a little something from everyone and you can get creative with how you apply those lessons to your own situation.

This is a challenge that everyone must face.

When you’re confronted with the possibilities of what your life can become,

will you look at others and say,

“it must be nice to be them”

OR

will you look in the mirror and say,

“It would be nice to broaden my horizons. Today, I think I’ll give it a try”?

The choice is yours.

Whichever one you make, I support your freedom.

Cheers,

T.K.

6 thoughts on ““It Must Be Nice”

  1. Thanks TK! I loved that and needed to hear that today! I’m having a hard time with the holidays. Sick of all the craziness – the traffic, the crowds, everyone. I need peace and quiet. Your blog felt so good to me! I’m so glad you are in my life! You have a very soothing soul! Have a good weekend! Love, Nancy

  2. There have deffinately been times when I thought it would be nice to be someone else. To people in our society, everyone has an advantage against us. We think that they have some hidden knowledge of greatness that we don’t know, and really, they do. They have the greatest knowledge ever, and that’s the knowledge of their own lives. They know exactly how to avoid certain people in their life that bully, irritate, or just flat out make their life hell. They know exactly how to handle their relationships, their finance, and their thoughts on life. Being the person that we all would like to be at some point in our life, because it would be nice.

    But why do we find other people’s lives to be more appealing than our own? Is it the fact that we don’t know their full stories, or just the fact that we like what we can only see?

    Just recently, I was pretty well just jealous of one of my friend’s relationships. I wanted their style of dating because it was so open, close, and caring, whereas my relationships sink like the Titanic, but the closer I looked at their relationship and the closer I looked at my own, they were different because of the type of relationship they were. My friend is an open gay, as was his partner. The fact that they are gay makes a difference in how well their relationship will work out, especially in our small town, and they’re the only two open homosexuals.

    The fact that everyone has thought of someone else’s life being nicer, or better than our own is pretty normal, or so I would think. We apply what we learn from people into what we do everyday. The lessons are there to take and use and make a creative turn around with. The advice we can get from people may or may not be applied right at that moment, but they can be applied another time.

    Cheers
    Emmy

  3. Hi TK!
    I’ve been quiet for a while because I’ve been so busy, but I had to take the time to say to you..
    RIght On TK! You always hit the nail on the head!
    I don’t even know where to begin.. except to say, I so agree with you! I spent the first quarter of my life wishing and complaining about stuff. Then I realized what I was doing and stood up, said – I’m gonna be happy and content from now on, because life is too short to waste on wishing and complaining! I don’t make any more excuses for my life, or lack in it. I just say ‘Oh well, I learned something with that’ and go on!
    Sometimes, when I read your posts, I feel like we came from the same brain!

    Happiness and Joy to you TK and your family! Thank you for being so positive and passing it on!

    ~Kiki~

  4. I think people learn to “fail with dignity.”

    Read a bumper stick years ago: “Row Hard. No Excuses.”

    We summon up excuses (rationalizations) that sound so reasonable. We’ve probably all done this at some point in our lives. Until we realize it’s our own lives that will be adversely affected.
    Then we can “stop screwing ourselves over.”

    Advantages/Disadvantages. I don’t think human beings benefit as much when everything is going well. I believe it is through adversity that we learn our “life lessons.” And to understand that everyone faces adversity. And that we can learn from everyone. “How to be and not to be.”

    Sounds like we ought not to confuse the message/s with the messenger/s. And there are so
    many good messages. If a lunatic calls out of an asylum window 2 + 2 = 4, is he wrong?

    Nice.

    Regards & Seasons Greetings,

    Alana

    1. Season greetings and Happy Holidays back at you, Alana.

      I love this…

      Advantages/Disadvantages. I don’t think human beings benefit as much when everything is going well. I believe it is through adversity that we learn our “life lessons.” And to understand that everyone faces adversity. And that we can learn from everyone. “How to be and not to be.”

      Wise words indeed 🙂

      Looking forward to catching up on our awesome dialogues.

      I’ve been writing these blogs at the speed of light (and on my cell phone most of the time) due to Holiday “craziness” 🙂

      But’s it’s been worth it. I got lots of new books for Christmas.

      Talk soon! Cheers,

      TK

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