We all the have right to love ourselves regardless of our perceived flaws.
There is a dignity that comes with being human and this dignity exists prior to, and independent of, any improvements we need to make.
Self-help, personal development, and spiritual practice are not means by which we become worthy. They are simply disciplines through which we facilitate the acceptance and expression of our innate and unconditional value.
I prefer being “perpetual” to being “perfect.”
Perfection is about being flawless and complete.
Perpetuity is about staying in motion.
None of us are flawless nor will any of us ever be finished, but we can always keep going.
In the words of Aesop, “Slow but steady wins the race.”
Cheers,
T.K. Coleman
A good parent loves their child.
That doesn’t mean they enjoy waking up to comfort their crying baby in the wee hours of the morning.
That doesn’t mean they enjoy wondering where their teenage kid is when he’s an hour past his curfew.
That doesn’t mean they always feel comfortable when their son or daughter makes unorthodox decisions and seemingly poor choices.
That doesn’t mean they find it pleasant when their child whines and pouts about not getting their way.
That doesn’t mean they’re going to have a good time when, not if, they have to watch their child suffer.
All aspects of parenting are not easy and fun.
Nevertheless, a good parent loves their child.
And it’s the power of love, not the ability to find an easy way, that sees them through.
Dreams are the offspring of one’s soul.
And like all offspring, there are aspects of nurturing, cultivating, and supporting one’s dreams that simply aren’t easy or fun.
And as it is with a parent, it’s the power of love, not the ability to find an easy way, that sees dreamers through.
Skill gets the job done, but the appearance of having skill gets the job.
Being qualified capitalizes the opportunity. Looking qualified creates the opportunity.
Character counts, but conversations rarely get started with character. They typically start with facial expressions, body language, style of dress, and a host of other so-called superficial elements.
Perception is not reality, but people wont show interest in the reality if the perception is too distracting.
Your personality is like a beautiful treasure sitting in the living room of a lovely home waiting to be adored. The perception people have of you is like the greeter at the front door of the home. If people can’t get pass that greeter, they’ll never see nor appreciate the beautiful treasure inside.
Here’s today’s two cents:
Give a damn about your appearance!
Giving a damn has nothing to do with playing by rules you don’t believe in.
Giving a damn is not about being prim, proper, and politically correct.
Giving a damn isn’t about making sure no one ever feels uncomfortable around you.
Giving a damn is about investing a modicum of energy into conducting yourself in a way that’s consistent with the results YOU want to create.
You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can evaluate how the publisher wants the book to be perceived.
At least that’s the way I see it.
Cheers,
T.K. Coleman
There’s ALWAYS “some guy” for whom “it” doesn’t work, and it doesn’t matter what the subject is.
Whether we’re talking about losing weight, eating healthier, managing money, investing resources, building a business, having a successful marriage, learning to meditate, etc, there will always be a story about “some guy” who just couldn’t get the system, the diet, the idea, or whatever to work for him.
Most people begin their research by looking for that guy and as soon as they find him, they’re off the hook.
“It didn’t work for that guy, so it wont work for me.”
Case closed. Dreams abandoned. Cynicism adopted.
What these same people often forget, however, is that the “some guy theory” supports everything.
There’s also “some guy” who didn’t take the risk and spent the rest of his life in regret.
There’s also “some guy” who played it safe and ran into danger.
Just last week, “some guy” tried it for the first time and was a huge success.
“Some guy” is everywhere and, quite frankly, I think his results have very little to do with you and me.
Results vary because people vary, levels of commitment vary, efforts vary, strengths and weakness vary, personal callings vary, and so on.
Whatever your plans, purposes, and projects may be, base it on your experiences, your beliefs, your tolerance for risk, and your opportunities.
“Some guy” isn’t living your life and he probably wont be around to comfort you if you fail to live yours.
People often ask, “what would you do if money were no object?”
The answer to that question is said to help reveal one’s true passion and purpose in life.
While I have benefited from asking myself this very question many times in the past, there are a few other questions that have been equally challenging and useful for me:
What are you willing to do even if money IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE an object?
What dreams would you still pursue if you knew you’d NEVER get a “big break?”
What creative projects and plans would you MAKE time for even if you still had to work 40-60 hours a week doing something completely unrelated just to pay the bills?
Are you willing to be who you really are even if you never get paid for it?
Having a dream, a passion, or a calling isn’t just about what we’re willing to do in a hypothetical world where we’re free from having to think about money, work, and responsibility. It’s about what we’re willing to fight for even if life doesn’t make it easy for us to pursue.
Question: Are you willing to fight for the right to create? How much? For how long?
It’s easy to be outraged.
Getting angry about the world’s evils is a fast and convenient way to appear righteous and respectable.
Nothing enrobes a man with an aura of conferred credibility quite like the act of being appalled by the failings and flaws of others.
But when our brief spells of fashionable moral indignation are over, the only things that remain are the results of actual effort.
We can complain, we can cry, we can condemn, and when it’s all said and done, either we will be among those who took action or we will be among those whose legacy is reducible to political posturing.
If the world’s injustices get you worked up, then feel free to get worked up, BUT don’t make the mistake of confusing getting worked up with getting to work.
If you want to be on the winning side of change, you have to get to work.
Don’t belittle something so sacred as study by doing it to become smart.
Study because you have questions that keep you up at night.
Study because of the curiosities that burn like a fire in your soul.
True education is a labor of love.
Factual awareness may begin with the mind, but Philos Sophos is born in the heart.
At least that’s the way I see it.
Cheers,
T.K. Coleman
Disclaimer: this is another NBA playoff inspired blog post. But even if you’re not a sports fan, hang in there. You still may get some value from this.
One of the rising young stars of this year’s post-season is 25-year old Golden State Warriors point-guard Steph Curry.
In only his fourth year of professional basketball, Steph is already considered by many to be one of the greatest shooters of all-time.
Last season, he shot 45% from the three-point line while breaking the single season record for most three-point shots made.
In yesterday’s game against the San Antonio Spurs, none of that seemed to matter.
Curry’s shot lacked its characteristic accuracy.
Nevertheless, he kept shooting.
At one point, one of the television commentators said the following:
“The thing about Steph Curry is that he keeps shooting even when he’s having a bad game. He’s so confident in his shot that he knows he’ll eventually find his groove if he just stays at it.”
And that’s precisely what Curry did; he stayed at it, found his groove, scored eight consecutive points, and led his team to a late comeback victory.
Here’s today’s two cents:
Keep shooting.
Keep shooting for your dreams. Keep shooting for a better life. Keep shooting for higher possibilities.
Even when you fall short, even when your rhythm is off, even when you’re having a rough stretch, keep shooting until you find your groove.
As long as there is time on the clock, take another shot.
At least that’s the way I see it (until Steph Curry stops making shots like a maniac).
Cheers,
T.K. Coleman
P.S. One of the reasons why Steph Curry is so confident in his shot is because he practices relentlessly. His confidence is based on competence and his competence is based on commitment. If you’re committed to being your best, then it’ll eventually payoff when you keep doing your best.
Here’s a revolutionary concept: frustration and disappointment are capable of being experienced without the accompaniment of blame.
That is, one can feel angry, hurt, afraid, alone, and discouraged without needing to identify a culprit who deserves to be punished or scorned.
That still doesn’t add up to a happy day, but it can make the path to well-being a lot less obstructed.
Most problems, although not all, can be effectively treated simply by boiling everything down to a few very simple questions:
What do I need?
Within what context I am most confident in my ability to create what I need?
What action steps can I take to maximize my opportunities?
What will it cost me?
What am I willing and unwilling to sacrifice or compromise in order to have what I need?
Playing the blame game can be very gratifying to the ego, but more often than not it distracts our attention away from the issues that truly matter.
Resenting others for their failures isn’t unethical, but it’s very unlikely to give us what we want.
Although it may feel counter-instinctive (especially when life doesn’t seem to be working for us), releasing our need to condemn others creates room for clarity and creativity.
At least that’s the way I see it (as I look around for someone to blame for a few crazy things I have going on right now).
Cheers,
T.K. Coleman
